Dear Double Unders,
We are not friends. We will never be friends. We certainly will never have a relationship. I bought a special rope for you, and still ... you reject me. You whip me, smack me, trip me, and bring out every curse word I have ever known. I do not like your "playful" smacks on my legs and booty. You play too rough.
Is this my punishment for never wanting to double dutch as a kid? For never singing your jump rope songs? Well your punishment is too harsh. TOO HARSH, I say.
I am breaking up with you. This relationship is stagnant and only brings me pain (both literally and figuratively). I am choosing to focus on the positive things in my CrossFit life, like cleans, pull ups, and SINGLES. I can do singles like a BOSS.
Sincerely,
Uncoordinated
P.S. Tell your friend box jumps they can go screw themselves too.
Showing posts with label athlete. Show all posts
Showing posts with label athlete. Show all posts
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
99 Problems and a Box is 1
Let me be clear ... when I say "box" I do not mean my CrossFit gym. I mean the actual box/step stool/Rubbermaid apparatus of which people use in the gym to give height and/or climb on top of during a workout. The fact that I have ZERO coordination and attempt the things I do in the gym means that I should have giant orange traffic cones surrounding me at all times. No person or thing is safe in my presence.
This past Saturday I did this to myself:
No friends, it wasn't from a box jump, and it wasn't even during our workout. Oh how I wish it had been during the workout. Actual box jump anxiety (the struggle is real) is a whole other animal that will be discussed at a later date. You see, I learned to do pull ups (unassisted) a few months ago and I was showing a fellow athlete (I just laughed that I called myself an athlete) how to kip. Oh, and side note: I am a super shorty. Therefore, I require a step stool or box to reach the pull up bars. So I do a pull up and drop back onto this stool before then dismounting onto the floor. Stepping onto the floor would be when I twisted my ankle and scraped the other shin going down ... to the ground. Now, this was a 12" step stool... how does one even have the vertical space to create these injuries you say? Well, there are a slew of eye witnesses asking that very same question. I cannot explain it other than to say that where there's a will there's a way.
The added bonus would be the 14 other people staring at me in the gym as this all went down. No point in looking like a fool if you don't have a crowd to watch. This also created the situation where I couldn't even pretend I wasn't hurt or did anything. EVERYONE SAW. I often try to play something off as if I am fine, meanwhile I will be dragging a leg behind me like a dead animal.
I normally have a high tolerance for pain (I guess I would have to in order to survive), but I felt my throat get tight. I mean, it was a tiny fall... there's no crying in CrossFit. Except during a rough WOD. You can cry (I prefer internally) during a really hard WOD. I think it was all the attention that got me, but alas, I survived and modified the workout. Do not fret, I will live to exercise another day.
To be clear, CrossFit is not the cause for my injuries. It just gives me a public forum of which to collect them. I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen on the tennis courts, running, walking, walking up stairs, walking down stairs, walking across a flat area, stepping in a hole, and once even just standing still while wearing a pair of skis.
P. S. I get this from my mother.
This past Saturday I did this to myself:
No friends, it wasn't from a box jump, and it wasn't even during our workout. Oh how I wish it had been during the workout. Actual box jump anxiety (the struggle is real) is a whole other animal that will be discussed at a later date. You see, I learned to do pull ups (unassisted) a few months ago and I was showing a fellow athlete (I just laughed that I called myself an athlete) how to kip. Oh, and side note: I am a super shorty. Therefore, I require a step stool or box to reach the pull up bars. So I do a pull up and drop back onto this stool before then dismounting onto the floor. Stepping onto the floor would be when I twisted my ankle and scraped the other shin going down ... to the ground. Now, this was a 12" step stool... how does one even have the vertical space to create these injuries you say? Well, there are a slew of eye witnesses asking that very same question. I cannot explain it other than to say that where there's a will there's a way.
The added bonus would be the 14 other people staring at me in the gym as this all went down. No point in looking like a fool if you don't have a crowd to watch. This also created the situation where I couldn't even pretend I wasn't hurt or did anything. EVERYONE SAW. I often try to play something off as if I am fine, meanwhile I will be dragging a leg behind me like a dead animal.
I normally have a high tolerance for pain (I guess I would have to in order to survive), but I felt my throat get tight. I mean, it was a tiny fall... there's no crying in CrossFit. Except during a rough WOD. You can cry (I prefer internally) during a really hard WOD. I think it was all the attention that got me, but alas, I survived and modified the workout. Do not fret, I will live to exercise another day.
To be clear, CrossFit is not the cause for my injuries. It just gives me a public forum of which to collect them. I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen on the tennis courts, running, walking, walking up stairs, walking down stairs, walking across a flat area, stepping in a hole, and once even just standing still while wearing a pair of skis.
P. S. I get this from my mother.
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