Dear Double Unders,
We are not friends. We will never be friends. We certainly will never have a relationship. I bought a special rope for you, and still ... you reject me. You whip me, smack me, trip me, and bring out every curse word I have ever known. I do not like your "playful" smacks on my legs and booty. You play too rough.
Is this my punishment for never wanting to double dutch as a kid? For never singing your jump rope songs? Well your punishment is too harsh. TOO HARSH, I say.
I am breaking up with you. This relationship is stagnant and only brings me pain (both literally and figuratively). I am choosing to focus on the positive things in my CrossFit life, like cleans, pull ups, and SINGLES. I can do singles like a BOSS.
Sincerely,
Uncoordinated
P.S. Tell your friend box jumps they can go screw themselves too.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
99 Problems and a Box is 1
Let me be clear ... when I say "box" I do not mean my CrossFit gym. I mean the actual box/step stool/Rubbermaid apparatus of which people use in the gym to give height and/or climb on top of during a workout. The fact that I have ZERO coordination and attempt the things I do in the gym means that I should have giant orange traffic cones surrounding me at all times. No person or thing is safe in my presence.
This past Saturday I did this to myself:
No friends, it wasn't from a box jump, and it wasn't even during our workout. Oh how I wish it had been during the workout. Actual box jump anxiety (the struggle is real) is a whole other animal that will be discussed at a later date. You see, I learned to do pull ups (unassisted) a few months ago and I was showing a fellow athlete (I just laughed that I called myself an athlete) how to kip. Oh, and side note: I am a super shorty. Therefore, I require a step stool or box to reach the pull up bars. So I do a pull up and drop back onto this stool before then dismounting onto the floor. Stepping onto the floor would be when I twisted my ankle and scraped the other shin going down ... to the ground. Now, this was a 12" step stool... how does one even have the vertical space to create these injuries you say? Well, there are a slew of eye witnesses asking that very same question. I cannot explain it other than to say that where there's a will there's a way.
The added bonus would be the 14 other people staring at me in the gym as this all went down. No point in looking like a fool if you don't have a crowd to watch. This also created the situation where I couldn't even pretend I wasn't hurt or did anything. EVERYONE SAW. I often try to play something off as if I am fine, meanwhile I will be dragging a leg behind me like a dead animal.
I normally have a high tolerance for pain (I guess I would have to in order to survive), but I felt my throat get tight. I mean, it was a tiny fall... there's no crying in CrossFit. Except during a rough WOD. You can cry (I prefer internally) during a really hard WOD. I think it was all the attention that got me, but alas, I survived and modified the workout. Do not fret, I will live to exercise another day.
To be clear, CrossFit is not the cause for my injuries. It just gives me a public forum of which to collect them. I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen on the tennis courts, running, walking, walking up stairs, walking down stairs, walking across a flat area, stepping in a hole, and once even just standing still while wearing a pair of skis.
P. S. I get this from my mother.
This past Saturday I did this to myself:
No friends, it wasn't from a box jump, and it wasn't even during our workout. Oh how I wish it had been during the workout. Actual box jump anxiety (the struggle is real) is a whole other animal that will be discussed at a later date. You see, I learned to do pull ups (unassisted) a few months ago and I was showing a fellow athlete (I just laughed that I called myself an athlete) how to kip. Oh, and side note: I am a super shorty. Therefore, I require a step stool or box to reach the pull up bars. So I do a pull up and drop back onto this stool before then dismounting onto the floor. Stepping onto the floor would be when I twisted my ankle and scraped the other shin going down ... to the ground. Now, this was a 12" step stool... how does one even have the vertical space to create these injuries you say? Well, there are a slew of eye witnesses asking that very same question. I cannot explain it other than to say that where there's a will there's a way.
The added bonus would be the 14 other people staring at me in the gym as this all went down. No point in looking like a fool if you don't have a crowd to watch. This also created the situation where I couldn't even pretend I wasn't hurt or did anything. EVERYONE SAW. I often try to play something off as if I am fine, meanwhile I will be dragging a leg behind me like a dead animal.
I normally have a high tolerance for pain (I guess I would have to in order to survive), but I felt my throat get tight. I mean, it was a tiny fall... there's no crying in CrossFit. Except during a rough WOD. You can cry (I prefer internally) during a really hard WOD. I think it was all the attention that got me, but alas, I survived and modified the workout. Do not fret, I will live to exercise another day.
To be clear, CrossFit is not the cause for my injuries. It just gives me a public forum of which to collect them. I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen on the tennis courts, running, walking, walking up stairs, walking down stairs, walking across a flat area, stepping in a hole, and once even just standing still while wearing a pair of skis.
P. S. I get this from my mother.
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