I Can Hear the Fat Kid Running ... and It's Hilarious

If Forrest Gump can run like the wind, why can't I?

My professional opinion: I don't think I run correctly. Seriously, something has to be physically wrong with my body for me to still run as slow as I do. Maybe my feet are shaped wrong, or actually made of lead. OR I am missing some critical running muscle (technical term) in my legs.

There has to be some explanation for years of running and remaining at a snail's pace. Maybe some sort of time/space continuum is happening once I put on my workout shoes (that would explain a lot). I don't really know what that means, but I felt the need to use a science term as an explanation.

Everyone sprints in a WOD ... I run the same pace as if I was starting a marathon and needed to keep a slow, but steady, pace. The mere suggestion of me running a marathon is hilarious because I would rather gouge my own eyes out before I would subject myself to a run/jog/walk/slow death for that long. I would be the road kill still laid out on the street two days later as cars swerved by honking and annoyed at the traffic disturbance.

I feel certain I look like a 400 lb person trying to fling my body forward one leg at a time. I literally feel like I'm moving backwards sometimes. In the past I used the excuse that I am 5'3" and have the shortest legs ever... until the other day when some 4'9" new little sprite showed up to CrossFit and zipped past me like she had a motor on her ass propelling her forward. That cut me, cut me deep.

This clip comes to mind ...

 

Lucky for me, how fast I run doesn't make for getting Rx or not Rx. [Insert relief here]. It just makes time stand still ... And this CrossFit Badass Wannabe (never gonnabe) look like a tool.

P.S. If anyone finds some scientific reason for slow running, please forward to The Clumsy Crossfitter, as that will give me a valid excuse. Thanks in advance.